I Love Children, but I’ll pass

I Love Children, but I’ll pass


Ever had one of those awkward conversations where people ask you “so how many kids do you want?” And you say one. Or even worse none. None!???? What!?? Aka wrong answer, you may phone a friend.

You obviously did not get the memo. My brother, my sister One or None is not an acceptable answer ever in this part of the world. Take that piece of advise for free.

I have had people ask me “so God forbid something happens to the one child, won’t it make sense to have a fall back plan?” Wait what?

There are people who do not want to have children. But they do so anyway because it is expected of them. We are Africans and that’s what we do. Sometimes it works out just fine, they have the children and realise they fill a void in their lives.
Some have these children and have absolutely nothing to offer emotionally, physically,mentally and financially. Parenting for them becomes  a huge burden. Who suffers?

The least recognised/ admitted reason I dare say is fear. Fear of childbirth. Fear of failure and ruining a whole human being. Fear of the depth of depravity in this world and the thought of bringing a vulnerable and helpless child into it. Fear.
Personally I believe that a healthy fear is proof that you understand the gravity of parenting. It is not for the faint hearted.

Let’s ask ourselves these simple questions shall we?

1. Should a person procreate simply because they can?
2. Should my definition of normal be subject to scrutiny? especially since it is only my body, my life and my resources involved in the consequence of my choice?
3. If I have a picture of the kind of life I want for my family or child as the case maybe and I decide to have only one child so I can give him or her the world, do I have to justify this?

At some point, we have to be honest with ourselves and live our truth. You are not a monster for not wanting to have children. You are not an aberration for desiring one or none at all. You are a human being with a choice.

  • Gbemisola Oni
    Posted at 13:04h, 27 September Reply

    Wow! This right here. I thought I was the only one who thought this way. Great write up. Love it!

  • Andy
    Posted at 13:05h, 27 September Reply

    Interesting. So we have Nigerian women who don’t want children?.. Interesting.

  • Kiyan
    Posted at 13:07h, 27 September Reply

    Hahahhahaha reading this I couldnt help thinking of my grand mother. Hahahaha she would have slapped me into oblivion. But this is my truth. We need to birth only what we can nurture and raise properly.

  • Oluwayemi Sofunke
    Posted at 21:26h, 28 September Reply

    Nice! Some people ask that “what if something happens?” as if they’re hoping something bad will happen to that only child. Then they force people to “over born”, later if asked to help with school fees, they start telling tales by moonlight. Well done o jare.

  • Subby C.
    Posted at 22:30h, 10 October Reply

    I’m a proud only child and can only reiterate my mum’s saying : “Quality over quantity always” (or something like that 🙂 ). I really think the pendulum swings both ways – you want to have enough resources (physical, emotional and financial) to give your child(ren), not only so they have the world, but so they become the best versions of themselves possible and in turn, become quality additions to their generations in their own right. We don’t want children who are numbered, we want children who count!

  • Meems
    Posted at 17:49h, 24 April Reply

    I was never one to crave or look forward to having kids. I knew at some point I will get married and that usually comes with birthing kids lol.
    But the truth is, most women have them just because it is expected of them. I know two people that have no business having the kids they have and they know it.
    But I am happy that this generation is starting to defy the norm and make choices ‘by and for” themselves.
    Nice one hun. . Muah

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